Monday, October 20, 2014

I prayed

Most of you are aware of my 4 year battle on many many fronts...Perhaps never the entire layout of the battlefield but you all knew of my struggles...You all may know I never post anything negative but have seen my share of it in life...Many dont understand that...People wonder how I never have a bad day or get mad...But these I write are things I have realized as the changed man before you today...I have a tremendous feeling I have something important to say to the world and will attempt to put it on paper for my own peace, I hope it helps one person, but there is a selfish side that needs to scream out at the top of my lungs the amazing things that have happened to me..I also wrote it for one person in my life to allow that inspiration to wash over me in a moment so she will understand her impact on me  .I hope it finds its way into your heart somehow in your own way and makes any level of impact...I have always remembered the unknown confederate soldier writing where he asks for things and receives is in this spirit which i write an additional chapter of it...It inspires me!!! I wrote this last night in a inspired twenty minute over load...i enjoy writing but never had such a inspiration..I think its important somehow...maybe for just me but i can hope
I prayed for heaven and the ability to reach the stars, instead I touched the face of god and was returned a different man so i might say something to the world. I have prayed everyday since my illness, but never for a cure, only for mercy...I was given instead a hard road but endless moments of hope so I would have a deeper understanding of life...
I prayed for a healthy body in a dark time of life and was given a "soul-shine" to illuminate my way so I might see clearly..
I prayed for wisdom to understand, instead was given a "beautiful mind" so I might appreciate the world without defining it..
I prayed for courage of self , instead was gifted the ability to strengthen those around me to remind me humility...
I prayed for a clear understanding of my life and past and got a deep clarity of thought to see into others so I may understand the meaning of service to mankind...
.I prayed at times simply for one more day, instead I was given years so I may remember its about each day and truly appreciate it with others...and understand..!!!
I prayed for help from people in my my life, and I was honored instead with solitude so I would have a deeper meaning of myself and the daily epiphany of self awareness..
I prayed for a quiet lone death to spare others around me their pain, instead I was given my fathers final wish of family unity and the tender support within, so I might understand the true nature of unconditional love...
I prayed for at times, for a quick thoughtless death, instead was given an endless gift to impact peoples lives so i might understand my purpose in the world...
I prayed for a voice to speak out , instead I was blessed with the ability to hear angels weep at the beauty and possibilities of my future for love..
I prayed for the strength to stand alone, instead was made weak in the presence of real love to ensure my heart was always open i would truly see and make an impact with another..
I prayed for the eyes of god, instead was given a rare love so I might see god everyday in their I might daily understand what real love is...thank you for that!!!
I prayed for all beautiful things for myself and instead was given wonderful gifts for others so I might know selflessness..
I prayed for all singular things and was given multiple things, non of which i requested... so I might always understand the gift of giving more than I receive , ALWAYS !!
I was given life and all things man searches for in life and death and a new profound impact-full spirit that everyday gets open heart rewarded !!! and a great sense of peace and purpose..
I was given No fear of pain, as i was shown it is in the fire of pain that shapes beautiful things and forges our character everyday..
I was gifted no fear of death so I might truly appreciate life and understand death is not the end.
I was given the rare ability to see beauty in all things, so I might never miss one thing..
.I have never prayed much before my illness but I did I thank god every single day, out-loud , at the first beauty I see everyday...
you see , I was most importantly, given hope, and the realization that hope gives me all things...
I was given an iron clad faith in all things and the belief that all people are, and want to be, beautiful.
I was given love, and all these other things so I might understand the power of dreams, and oh how I dream..

.i hope any one of many of my discoveries may touch your soul and give you a fraction of my hope and belief and internal peace...and I hope you always believe and most importantly dream of a day when fear never closes your hearts and minds...I pray god will lift his divine countenance upon you and give you peace...


  1. This is beautiful! I live with chronic pain so this line felt directed toward me ... "I was given No fear of pain, as i was shown it is in the fire of pain that shapes beautiful things and forges our character everyday." I will read this every day with new insight. Thank you!

  2. Beautifully written! Gives each of us so much to think about and to be grateful for. Thank you for being an amazing inspiration to us all.